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Samples of "The Dr. K Network" on Facebook
1. The new insult in Hollywood is now "You got an Oscar nomination? What bear did you sleep with?"
2. Here is an essay written by a student who depends too heavily on Google research: "Several people in California were killed by a family named Charles, who kept the bodies in their Mansion. They made a movie about it called "Helen Keller." Disney made a sequel in 2003, called "Miracle Worker," which was about a hockey team that beat the Russians, despite being blind and deaf."
3. I have had a deep, personal problem for 17 years. My life has been fuly of frustration and dissatisfaction. Just when things start to rise up, they shrivel down and fade away. I have had 17 years of middle-age dysfunction and poor performance. So, I called my doctor, and said “Does Viagara make a product for Dallas Cowboy fans?”
4. A man rammed his pickup through the lobby of a hotel in Alva because he was upset about his bill. No one was injured but people were shocked to learn .......that there is a hotel in Alva.
5. I once went to a Star Wars movie and met a Mexican doctor who delivers babies. His name was OB Juan.
6. Found a store that only sells donuts and Swiss cheese. It's called Hole Foods.
7. How do the guys on the "No Fly List" use the urinal?
8. Gayle Berry with OG&E is on Channel 5 telling people to report power outages. Problem is: if people are having power outages, they aren't watching TV.
9. Tiny Tim wrote a song about a palm reader kicking an Israeli in the mouth. It's called "Gyp toe through the Jew lips."
10. I could have sworn I had stuck a pin in this doll before. I'm having déjà voodoo.
11. The Mafia is now vowing to protect New York from ISIS. Somebody is going to wake up with a camel's head in his bed.
12. Of course ISIS wants to attack a WWE Event. They object to any event that glorifies violence.
13. President Obama is now hiring comedians to make school children laugh their assed off. He's replacing "No Child Left Left Behind" with "Child Left With No Behind."
14. Chicago is a nice place to visit but I wouldn't be caught dead voting there.
15. It is Women's Equality Day and National Dog Day. That's because once women got a voice, dogs became man's best friend.
16. The stock market went up and down and up and down because of the Chinese economy. It's called fluctu-Asians.
17. If Michael Jackson and John Howard Griffin ( author of "Black Like Me") Were still alive, they would name Rachel Dolezal President of the NAAACP: National Association for the advancement of artificially colored people.
20. Caitlyn (Bruce) Jenner will now appear in Marvel Comics. He's one of the X-Men.
21. They are having MMA fights at The Kickapoo Casino now. You can watch guys kick the crap out of each other.
22. Whenever I get coffee at 7-11, it always has a head on it. I'll order decapitated coffee next time.
23. Clothes dryers do not believe in same-socks marriage.
24. Every time a doorbell rings, a Jehovah Witness angel gets his wings.
25. Bruce Jenner says that he wants to become a woman but he also says that he is straight. Does that mean he wants to become a lesbian? Or is he just going to play it by ear? Well, maybe the ear is not the determining factor here.
26. The Sporting News reports that Manny Pacquiao might use Floyd Mayweather Jr.'s alleged history of domestic violence as a motivation in their fight. Manny is strongly against domestic violence. Atta
boy Manny! Just knock the hell out of that woman beater after you give him $180 million for fighting you!
27. Professional hockey player Jarret Stoll was arrested in Las Vegas for possession of cocaine and ecstasy. If he had carried LSD instead, he would just get two minutes for tripping.
28. When you eat angel hair pasta, cherish it. A lot of angels went bald for that meal.
29. Thanks to Bruce Jenner, from now on whenever somebody has a sex change operation it will be called a DICKATHLON.
30. Yahoo sports reports that Thabo Sefalosha broke his leg during altercation with New York City police. This despite the fact he was only armed with a Swiss Army knife.
31. Yahoo Sports reports that Thabo Sefalosha broke his leg in an altercation with New York City police. Sheesh! If he wanted to get injured he would've stayed with the Thunder!
32. I could tell the burning car was a delivery vehicle for a Chinese restaurant. The driver was just running circles around it.
33. Adam Levine was charged by a female fan on stage Monday night. She put her arms around his neck and he calmly put his arm around her and coaxed her to the security guard while he was still singing. I'm glad he did not act like Afroman and punch her. That's because he's not a one hit wonder.
34. On Shark Tank they've had one entrepreneur pitching in ergonomic toilet. Another one is pitching a nondairy cheese product. After watching this episode, nobody has any excuse to be constipated.
35. Former University of North Carolina basketball Coach Dean Smith, who died last month, left $200 to all of his 180 letterman that played for him in his will. Late former NCAA president Myles Brand just ruled that he has to serve two years probation before he can get into heaven.
36. Years ago I was in Vienna, Virginia and I drove by a place called Joe Theismann's restaurant. I went in there and ordered chicken, and the drumstick was broken very badly. Lawrence Taylor must've been the cup.